I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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