Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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