im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You made out with two different species that night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
