Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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