Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
