So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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