It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
