then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
