if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
