the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
