seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
