we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
