I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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