i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Buhtt sex?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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