I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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