Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So apparently I’m into choking now
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