I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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