dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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