you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize