You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
