Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
