what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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