remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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