You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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