Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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