you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
