1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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