I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
