whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
