very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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