i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
