So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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