i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
