Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
