dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
