oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize