twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
