i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
