i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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