I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
