her vagine was all disorganized.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize