You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
