you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
