I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
