I skipped work to stalk him.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize