he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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