JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
