I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
