Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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