I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
