how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
