Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Help. Why am I so naked?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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