is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
