I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
