oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
