is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
