I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
