Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
