He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
