Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
