Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
