You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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