Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
