ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
