how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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