There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
