I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
