If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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