No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
