just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
