Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize