I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
4 words: hood of his car
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
