by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
