i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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