I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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