I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
