my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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