i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
