Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize