he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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