He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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