This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
