I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
