he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
