Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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