It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
