Welp...herpes.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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