Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
