As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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