your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
