Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
