I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
