She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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