I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
