dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
