What a fucking waste of an outfit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
